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Monthly Archives: March 2011

I felt sort of bad about not having a beer blog post to put up today, what with racial stereotypes for the Irish being what they are… hilarious. The reason in short for this is early morning business that can’t be put off tomorrow, and in the interest of not having shit fuck up, I’ve decided to not drink today. It’s a sad turn of events for anyone that loves beer as much as I.

What I could post was a brief recap of my first attempt at baking in a good long time after the (*shudder*) incident.

My father is encouraging up to the point of feigning death.

Construction of biscuits are as follows.
ACT 1
– Neglect sleep until 6:30am
– Decide to remedy hunger with something different
– Fail to find reasonable/reputable source of recipes for poorly-educated bachelors
– Find cookbook from a bygone era with nothing resembling a cover
– Flip though parchment looking for simplest recipe
– Squeeze out the last of the tea from last evening’s pot in desperation for caffeine
– Settle for biscuits.

ACT 2
– Pour flour, salt, baking powder and sugar into bowl
– Realize after mixing that your house doesn’t have any baking soda left
– Blend in lard and add 2 cups of milk as the recipe calls for
– Notice the recipe is totally full of shit, and that’s way too much milk for the ratio of dry goods
– Angst over your bowl of sludge
– Pound that bitter tea back without milk or sugar like a boss
– Abandon mixing spoon in favour of hands
– Forget to oil/grease hands before plunging in
– Find that your sludge is sticking to your hands now, such that it’s impossible to scrape off
– Regret not sleeping
– Frown and consider tears as a course of action

ACT 3
– Man the fuck up
– Get that goddamn flour back
– Dump more flour in
– No, dumbass, that’s not nearly enough
– Dump a lot more flour in
– Gradually unglue your hands from the vitriolic bowl of semi-alive dough
– Put on another pot of tea
– Rip and tear that shit into balls about so big (this size should be self evident)
– Flatten on cookie sheets
– Splash some fucking green colouring onto your mutant lumps; smear
– NOW! INTO THE FIRES OF HELL WITH YEE!

ACT 4
– Fucking burn some of them because your dumb ass wanted to go back to listening to podcasts.
– Salvage the morning with a plate of delicious and manly biscuits
– Tell wordpress

This is my baking. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Another trio for you (the treasured reader) tonight! I’ve had numerous misgivings about doing this blog so regularly while my finances are in such disarray, and some of them weren’t even external jabs. To that end, I’ve got a new theme for #3 in the Blogroll. Tonight’s theme is Bargain tall-boys. So, let’s jump headlong into this trial of 3 beers under $3 apiece. THREE THREES!
[One note about the price listings in this article. I purchased these in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia. I make no promises about them being under the target price wherever you’re reading this from.)

Newcastle Brown Ale (alc./vol.4.7%) – $2.79 +deposit

This can is as bold and notable as the beer inside.

First on the agenda, we have this English Brown. Setting aside any attempts at less than favourable jokes about race relations in the colonial era before I go any further. As the name implies, it’s a darker coloured ale with a very hoppy smell that seems typical of English beer. It was very effervescent when drunk slowly, but I can hardly say I had the self-control for that shtick. Regrettably, I am totally at a lost as to describing the taste, but it actually reminds me of coffee.
Oddly,  the taste lilts up at the end of the drink, as if it’s asking a question. Unfortunately, a question that’s a shade too intimate, and leaves you feeling awkward and unsure of how to continue. Still worth trying if you fancy the British stuff.

Morland’s “Old Speckled Hen” English Fine Ale (alc./vol. 5.2%) – $2.47 +deposit

Fruity, rich, malty, and smooth. You can make your own joke here.

Right of the bat, I have to wonder two things about this beer. One, why am I afraid to ask if “old speckled hen” is a sexual euphemism across the pond. And two, how the Christ do I keep picking up UK beer? As for the beer itself, it’s a lighter brown with a moderate head and barely any bubble in the glass. A pleasant but nondescript smell was present. It tasted like a red beer after being smoothed out and made slightly more bitter. The finish is malty and very smooth, aftertaste is dry… Honestly, it left me wanting more

Brasserie Licorne’s Boris (5.5% alc./vol.) – $2.51 +deposit

Yes, that script on the can is philosophy. No, it doesn't impact the taste.

Since the third beer tonight is based in France, I have to imagine the name is pronounced “Boh-Rhee” rather than what my english-eyes want to interpret as a Baltic man’s nomenclature.
This light golden coloured beer sports almost no bubble and is not quite foamless. It’s smell is rather sweet, especially compared to the other two I have here tonight.  The taste stays crisp and sharp from start to finish, and for that reason it’s a delicious, albeit not particularly easy drinking beer. Boris is a complex blend that delivers on taste and texture, and one beer that I definitely would buy again.

And one last thing about Boris, it was the only beer can so far in the making of this blog that got a fly in it while I was finishing the post. It’s French, so you may take that with as many grains of salt as you wish.