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This post was really an inevitability, and so was the title, so I make no apologies about either. You’re not here to listen to that shit. You’re here for the same reason I am. And to that end, I present. Beer Blog: 2.0!

Rather than have a variety pack available, I’ve chosen three tall-boy cans. Tonight’s theme is “stronger than average beer”. Now, while there are some types of people that read that and immediately think either “sour-tasting shit” or  “X.Y% alc. by vol.” The people in the first category can fuck right off if they wish, and the second category would do me a great favour if we could agree on an actual number range. I’m not nearly so formal as to get hung up on regulations which online guides and brew-masters often languish over. I’ll just try any beer with an intriguing can.

First of three is Alexander Keith’s 2011 Limited Release Tartan Ale (6.1% alc./vol.)

What can I say? I'm a sucker for local talent.

Anyone even passingly familiar with Nova Scotia has heard or drank the generic beer that they pump out by the pool load. It’s frat beer. It’s not very interesting, and that’s why I was somewhat nervous as to the quality of AK’s new product. I wouldn’t have even picked it up were it not for the NSLC worker that happened by with the old standard “Can I help you find anything?” and in response to my non-committal just looking for something new she directed me to a display of all-to-familiar looking labels. I picked one up for shits and giggles, and also just to send her away without having to be rude. You know, the Maritime way.

This beer pours clear, and is very red in colour, and slightly dark. Were a person unable to smell, and never saw the can it came out of, they might mistake it for a fortified wine. I mention the smell because it’s a distinct one. Taste is kinda bitter but not very pronounced. What was pronounced was an odd taste of I want to say, oak? Either way it softened quite quickly into basically a red beer. The can claims that “with its warm amber hues and complex aromas, this Scottish style ale has a full bodied taste with a slightly smoky finish”, and it’s not nearly as full of shit as that sentence sounds. Overall this beer tastes just as I assumed all beer tasted when I was younger. Musty and boozy, but not very pleasant.

Fuller’s Extra Special Champion Ale by The Griffon Brewery, CHISWICK (5.9% alc./vol.)

The sheer Brittishness of that name caused my pinky fingers to experience erections for the duration of this beer.

Mostly a dark ale, this pub style beer sported more foamy head than a bad reference that I can’t even tackle right now. It reeks of hops, and tastes as bitter as divorce. Astoundingly, the aftertaste is even more bitter, in what I can only assume is some sort of cruel punishment for not continuing to pipe it into your facehole. Not a particularly easy to drink beer. But try it anyway, you’ll have fun thinking about the fact that not only do the British suffer with bad weather and stereotypes, but also actively choose beer that hates the drinker.

8.6’s Bavaria, Ironically a product of Lieshout, Holland (and also ironically 7.9%alc./vol.)

After a few of these fuckers, you'll look like the other cans pictured.

Here, we’ve got a clear looking blonde with a hint of gold colour. The sweet smell lures you into a false sense of security, because it seems to sharpen in taste as you go. The aftertaste is mild and bitter, but not unpleasant at all. What can I say beyond, “this beer is fucking delicious, and you are literally depriving yourself if you never consume it”? One more thing, which should really be obvious in hindsight, at 7.9%, it hits like a brass knuckle.

A fucking delicious brass knuckle.

That wraps up my second stint into critically thinking about beer. If you’d like to hear more from my offbeat pacing of brews, and can string sentences together better than my drunk self, feel free to write in a suggested theme of beers. Either way, I fucking love this job.

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