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(Dedicated to my closest insane person, Helepolis.)

OH…
I am the very model of a uncouth jackfuck lunatic.
I’ve studied arguments and so my style is quite pedantic.
I know the ilk of sharpened blades, and with my hoard I am fickle.
I could seperate, by rote, each of your atria from ventricle.

I’m very well acquainted, too, with misdirection and of shtick
And while I’m fairy beefy, I am anything but generic.
I’m very skilled in mining, and at skinning I am well prepared…
YES!
I know myriads of reasons why I’m still quite visually impaired.

He knows myriads of reasons why he’s still quite visually impaired.
He knows myriads of reasons why he’s still quite visually impaired.
He knows myriads of reasons why he’s still quite visually impaired.

Although I rarely can find time to plunge into this sarcastic well,
I’m quite adept at hardcore runs; Helepolis in K O L.
Good luck in following my great meandering linguistic string.
With Ebony and Ivory, I am the true Stoner Pimp King.
Good luck in following his great meandering linguistic string.
With Ebony and Ivory, he is the true Stoner Pimpin’ Pimpin’ King.

I’m unitimidated to play Pokemon with much chutzpah
Then assemble half a dozen that are twice as strong as Rayquaza
If you claim there is no such thing, I’ll hasten to your words impugn,
Go fuck your single-typing rules, I will be Badass-Flying soon.
I’ve read a vast compendium of RTS and RPG,
My reading rate is more than great, and you’ve no hope of catching me.
Then I’ll define a book of myths, you’re going to see I am the king…
AHA!
I’ll teach you scores of Manticores, ‘cuz I know damn near everything.

He’ll teach you scores of Manticores, ‘cuz he knows damn near everything.
He’ll teach you scores of Manticores, ‘cuz he knows damn near everything.
He’ll teach you scores of Manticores, ‘cuz he knows damn near every-every-thing.

Then I can rhyme off lyrics like a veritable database,
Beam them straight into your skull like a satellite from outer-space.
In short, your boasts and counterpoints are nothing more than babbling,
With Ebony and Ivory, I am the true Stoner Pimp King.
In short, your boasts and counterpoints are nothing more than babbling,
With Ebony and Ivory, he is the true Stoner Pimpin’ Pimpin’ King.

In fact, when I know what is meant “insular” and “bellicose”
When I can tell at sight a pompous dickhead being quite verbose.
When such affairs as bloggings and speed runs aren’t such non-sense,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “full-time attendance”
When I possess the patience to deal with people who’re fucking nuts
And disregard retweeting about the multitude of the Caf-sluts.
In short when I have referenced the work Transmetropolitan…
Ah, I’ve got it!
I hate this goddamn city and I couldn’t stand to leave a-gain.

He hates this goddamn city and he couldn’t stand to leave again.
He hates this goddamn city and he couldn’t stand to leave again.
He hates this goddamn city and he couldn’t stand to leave again.

For my article-type writing, though I’m wordy and also boundless,
Hasn’t yet seen the quantity I want, but I digress.
I’ll sing this song until the time that I become more baffling.
With Ebony and Ivory, I am the true Stoner Pimp King.
He’ll sing this song until the time that he becomes more baffling.
With Ebony and Ivory, he is the true Stoner Pimpin’ Pimpin’ King.

And know that I’ve introduced myself, I’d like to have some idea of what’s going on…

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2 Comments

    • helepolis
    • Posted February 6, 2011 at 9:39 pm
    • Permalink

    That is…amazing. Just, amazing.

    • Ellen
    • Posted February 13, 2011 at 5:01 pm
    • Permalink

    Brilliant.


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