Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: April 2010

As anyone who’s been speaking to me knows, these past 2 weeks have been a never ending avalanche of bullshit and chips. But they’re coming to an end, and I’m relieved. But at the same time, I find myself wondering…now what?

Easter weekend, my mother suffered a heart attack (her second, but 5ish years later). This sucked pretty bad, if I can be allowed to make a massive understatement. The stress it put me and my family under was ridiculous, and though she’s since recovered and been released, it’s yet another wonderful reminder my mortality, and that of those I love. I’m supposed to be leaving the country for 2 weeks at the end of the month, and I find myself not entirely sure I how feel about doing so. Because I can’t have nice things, apparently.

And then, following right quick on the heels of that whole shebang, was my exams. Now, exams are generally a stressful time for anyone who’s in school, but I dare say they might have had more riding on them for me than they do for Joe Blow in University.

I, due to a couple previous years where I went about things rather poorly, am hovering rather uncomfortably on the precipice that is a GPA under 1.7 whilst on academic probation. What this means, for those of you out of the loop, is that if I were to not perform well enough in my courses, I would face a definite, real risk of expulsion from this fine academic institution. So, where a number of people are worried about impressing, or perhaps maintaining scholarships, my head is literally on the chopping block regarding my continued attendance to this school.

Because I absolutely need more stress. thats what I need. Thanks guys. Really. Means a lot. Cocksuckers.

However, throughout all this load of bullshit, there’s been one saving grace. At the risk of sounding ludicrously soft, this year I have been graced with a  wonderful load of people putting up with my bullshit. And it is for this reason, more or less, that I, for once, actually studied for my exams this year. So, any SMU students who read this and were hoping I wouldn’t be coming back: blame them. They are what make this useless goddamn blemish on the cityscape worth my time, and they’re why I hang the hell around.

But, I started this article, if you can call it that, with mention of how I am unsure how to proceed next, and I have sufficient attention span to return to that point, surprisingly. I find myself in an odd situation. The main people I want to be around are all here, but I’m forced to leave. I can’t find gainful employment, because I intend to leave the country for 14 days at an as of yet undetermined time within the next month. I would love to spend the next however long doing little else but going to the gym and bumming around, but I won’t have a gym membership back home.

So, what the fuck do I do with myself? I’m hilariously in debt, on the cusp of a new level of physical fitness, but restrained from gainful advancement in any sense by circumstances largely beyond my control. How wonderful.

If it weren’t for the fact that my ankle is about as functional as a Ross rifle and a Ford Edsel put together, I would like very much to just spend a lot of a time this summer running and climbing and suchlike, getting into shape, and likely up to mischief. But thats not an option.

I, for once, hope to have done well on my exams, but I am still doomed to way more goddamn time spent on this degree then is morally correct.

And I can’t get a job yet because I’d probably be leaving the country around the time I was meant to start.

So, I’m in a sort of a “Where do I go from here?” Position. But…you know…for once, maybe I can look at the bright side. I realize anyone who reads this expects nothing but endless bile and anger, but sometimes, very very rarely, I’m just not pissed.

My mothers alive, and well. I have a wonderful group of friends, despite being a huge douchenozzle. Sometimes the event you didn’t think was possible, the most unlikely of all outcomes, is the one you get. And sometimes it’s good. And you know what? This time…things turned out better than expected.

Advertisements

You know, there’s something I’ve never understood. (And shut the fuck up before you say “morals and decency?”)

When people say “I don’t like who I am when I’m drunk”, it confuses the hell out of me. Something doesn’t follow. The way I see it…who you are when you’re drunk is the same damn person you are when you’re sober. Maybe you’re a little bit gigglier, maybe you fall down. But nothing in liquor changes the fundamentals of your personality.

What liquor DOES do, and what generally causes the problems, (besides making you puke fun colours, of course), is that it removes your inhibitions. And this is what some people have problems with. Inhibitions are a scary thing when all of a sudden they’re gone, and some people can’t cope with it.

But the thing is, I’ve never known someone who legitimately did something something drunk they’d never even consider doing sober. Sure, maybe they would have stopped themselves, maybe they would have friends talk themselves out of it. But, as is sometimes say, “Drunken words are sober thoughts”.

If you get piss-loaded, and punch some cocksucker at the bar out, you probably either already had a problem with them, or alternatively, if it was a stranger (cause that happens), its probably just that you already had your knickers in a knot about something or other, and he was just the guy who cut in front of you in line at the exact wrong moment.

And then, of course, you get those who get all sauced up and go fuck whoever happens to be the first one who smiles at them (or, to a lesser degree, they make out with someone, or what have you). This can cause a whole lot of trouble…but like I’ve said, I’ve never met a single person (and I know a lot of drinkers) who hadn’t expressed some sort of attraction to whatever individual, or action, they ended up doing, when they were sober.

So, it boils down to this…I can see how, perhaps, a friend, especially a slightly more morally upright friend, might not like who their friends are when they’re drunk. It happens quite a bit with the friends who don’t know me that well…I drink, and they feel like I’ve somehow changed.

But the thing is, I haven’t. No one changes that much, fundamentally. Perhaps you don’t like how the other person is…thats one thing. But if you personally dislike who you are when you’re drunk…well, then you have some issues to deal with. Alcohol isn’t a magic substance, it just makes you more wont to do what you might not otherwise have done.

But if the image of you that has been built up, by yourself, or by anyone else, is so damn dependent on a carefully structured skeleton of inhibitions and things that hold you back, that the moment you act on your impulses you can’t stand yourself…maybe your issues run deeper than just what the liquor unlocks.

When I meet someone new, I personally love seeing them drunk the first time…you can tell a lot, in my opinion, by how a person acts when all of a sudden the rules are relaxed. But you need to be careful…after all, Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune.