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Monthly Archives: March 2010

I’m a lazy guy. That’s a fairly simple statement to back up. For example, I rarely read the manga source material after I’ve watched an anime. Perhaps this should be an exception, but hold on. I’m getting ahead of myself.  A while ago, I watched both seasons of Rosario+Vampire, to mixed feelings.

Plot-wise, it’s a nice set up on paper. A painfully average guy, Aono Tsukune, gets a last chance at attending a “good” high school because of his shallow skill at … well, everything. Perspective; the man would not seem out of place as the protagonist in Idiocracy. Fact of the matter is, the place is called Youkai Gakuen (“Monster Campus”), and this doesn’t tip him off to anything. In the most convenient way, he meets a cheery, pink-haired vampire girl, Akashiya Moka, and they instantly fall in love. The rest of the story is based on other monster girls pressuring him to love them best (no seriously) and disposable fight scenes.

The anime is never this classy again.

Disposable in the sense that they never seem to be that much of a challenge. In universe, Vampires are literally the highest class of monsters, and so the titular character can easily kick the asses of nearly any opponent in seconds. All it takes is Tsukune removing the titular rosary binding most of her strength. Teehee, titular. You may wonder why I’m making such a deal about the word titular, and the answer is two-fold. Like a set of breasts. And the anime handles most fights with as much class as that simile.  Several seconds of each sparkly transformation sequence is devoted to the apparent growth in Moka’s curves. It’s not inherently bad, but the repetition is a little bland, and I can’t help but think of a combination of Twilight and the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.

This hurt my brain to edit, as much as will hurt yours to see.

Probably because I’m cynical as fuck, I don’t like Moka as much as the show seems to force her upon the audience. She’s so powerful, that everything fighting-wise is a joke. And let’s face facts, the appeal of this show is in the harem. So let’s give a brief look to the rest of the core cast. Teehee, brief. Anyway, let’s continue alphabetically. Or something…

You can actually hear the quality of the article going down from here on in. Teehee.

Here, we meet a large pair of sweater puppies, ostensibly attached to a living being. Kurumu Kurono is voiced by Fukuen Misato, whom you may know as Miyafuji from Strike Witches. I’m seeing a pattern. While the manga painted her a bit more sympathetically, a little more noble, the anime makes her out to be a bitch with a capital B. The exception that proves this rule is during the newspaper-burning scene (the one that she worked on, the one that the student council didn’t want taking over their subscribers…). She’s actually shown being deeply hurt, and that emotion is a nice factor to round out a character that’s generally dumb as paint, and manipulative to boot. Compare to the section of the Manga that I actually got around to reading. There’s an arranged marriage, and molestation, and an attempting suicide and a… well, just read the following.

Part 1.

Part 2.

...and finally Part 3.

Next up, the Yuki-Onna recieving the tongue, Shirayuki Mizore. Is it sad that upon hearing the mythology about these types (freezing their chosen one into a Human Popsicle so that they never have to be apart again) my first reaction was not of shock and horror, but rather “at least she isn’t going to cheat on your ass”?

No matter how practical it sounds, antifreeze would be an astoundingly bad choice of lubricant.

Not going to wait for an answer for that one. Okay, we’ve got zettai ryouiki, yet another exotic hair, calm demeanor, a sob story, and due to running gags… knowledge of hammerspace and teleportation. Ranks pretty high on my list, but something that never fails to amuse me and puncture serious situations is that she (Kugimiya Rie) also played Alphonse Elric in FMA.

This picture has nothing to do with ice and snow, but c'mon. It's Al holding a kitty, for christsakes.

Fourth up, a gal of non-descriptive age that can charitably be called enigmatic and mysterious, and uncharitably called perverted enough to make the Succubus look like a choir girl. Toujou Ruby. This witch starts as a puppet (for a hermit) with a vendetta against humans and their ecological failures, and throughout the series, strives to become a puppet of Tsukune’s. On the other hand, there’s a certain charm in her wearing a corset most of the time, and a corset shaped like a swimsuit for the rest. Can’t make this shit up.


"And damn her if she giggles. Damn her double if she laughs. Goth girls like it when you double-damn it twice fast."

There’s also more than a token loli presence in both Sendo Yukari and Kokoa Shusen. I could take them or leave them, partly because maturity and decisiveness is important to me in an appeal, and partly because they’re goddamn children. It’s sort of unsettling to see the amount of time paid to pantyshots when you get to the youngest character (11 years old in this case). You get that nagging feeling that your shred of a conscience is saying “should I really be enjoying this?” And if the anime wasn’t trying to blatantly sexualize her, they wouldn’t have put her in a short skirt and garters, and they wouldn’t have her be an “anything that moves” bisexual with groping and trying to suggest a three-way with the main guy and his Vampire.

"No comment, your honour."

Not to mention the question that if you were Tsukune, and you were going to successfully bed Moka (a foregone conclusion) why the hell would you want this precocious, yammering, attention hog child involved? It’s a little like taking an accordion out game-hunting, it makes a lot of noise, and adds nothing to the catch. If I were truly tasteless at this point, I’d work in an aside about fingering techniques… luckily, the anime has me covered.

Which brings me to my next point. Why would you push the limits of censorship, and indeed good taste, with pantyshots every 12-15 seconds when you’re going to add novelty censors in the form of vampire bats to cover up the best of the view. It smacks of wanting to have your cake and eat it too, not to mention probably blue balls the typical viewer that stuck around long enough. I’ve been told that the DVD version removes all the bats, but why would I pay for this in the age of Gelbooru, and various other sites?

In fact, here. Animated for your pleasure.

Simple Harmonic Motion Lesson 101

Adv. students, notice that mass isn't the only factor.

There, I’ve just saved you about $100. At the end of the day, I can’t recommend this series as anything other than a guilty pleasure. But as a guilty pleasure it ranks near the top of the heap. Like cotton candy, it’s a visual, tactile enjoyment that fades out quickly without any sort of lasting nourishment. Also like cotton candy, it tends to leave your hands all sticky.

**cue outro music.